she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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