Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
