just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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