How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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