I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
