Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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