My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
