i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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