i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
