I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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