Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize