At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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