She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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