I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
