How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
then he tried to convert me to islam
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize