Little spoons don't ask big questions
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
