I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
