I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
