I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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