I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
