If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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