I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
did you just send me my own nude
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize