apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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