it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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