I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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