You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
