I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
