I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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