question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
