States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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