you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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