Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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