is this the sara with the beer cane?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
