I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
