Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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