shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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