Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That's when you crack a 10am beer
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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