bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
