I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
