I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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