there's paper in my vomit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
