Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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