did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize