dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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