I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
