I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
