Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
whose parrot is this?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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