I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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