So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
