We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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