I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
