so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
