are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
