how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i will never coherently bang her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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