Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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