I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Pooping to opera.
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