The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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