we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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