if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
