Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize