And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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