Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i will never coherently bang her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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