At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
