Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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