Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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