Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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