Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
