dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
