ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
