I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
