Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
