I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
