your room smells of hookers.
And success
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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