was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize