NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
