I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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