Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
