using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
