Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
