Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
