I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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