Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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