I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
