So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need to calm my uterus...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
