So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm passing your future prison.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
