You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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