am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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