normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
