That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
