how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize