Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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