My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
