Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
