My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
