The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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