yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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