Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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