So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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