oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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