I hate your face
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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