dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
