Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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