Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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