I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
