walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
