If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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