Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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