First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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