Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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