Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize